Henry's Journal
by OncerForLife'IG
Summary: Okay, the reasoning behind this is I rp as Henry on IG, (henrytherebel if you're interested) and this is the same Henry from my one shot Our Story. While Henry is happy for his parents, there are some underlying feelings about this whole situation. Though he never speaks these feelings, he writes them in his journal, so I hope you like stepping into his mind and getting a glimpse.
1. My First Entry

_**Okay, the reasoning behind this is I rp as Henry on IG, (henrytherebel if you're interested) and this is the same Henry from my one shot Our Story. I know there's a gap so here's the missing piece, Regina is pregnant, hoping for twins. She has let all of her children know, including Rapunzel who has moved out. Henry is still 19, Roland is 10 and Riley is 6. Now Regina and Robin have requested that their children no longer use magic and that Roland no longer practices spells and plays with potions. While Henry is happy for his parents, there are some underlying feelings about this whole situation. Though he never speaks these feelings, he writes them in his journal, so I hope you like stepping into his mind and getting a glimpse.**_

* * *

Sitting in my room, I had pulled a box labeled "Memories" from under my bed and opened it.

Under a layer of dust were pictures of my mom and I, notes she and I wrote to each other and drawings of her and I that I drew.

Time had passed so quickly, I remember when it was just her and I in this big house.

I smirked when I thought about a memory of me throwing a tantrum about not getting the candy I wanted, landed me in a corner for an hour of time out.

Mom was never lenient when it came to tantrums, that was something she did not tolerate and so far, she did the same with Riley and Roland.

But away.

I wanted to get away for a few hours.

I NEEDED to get away.

I couldn't take all the baby talk at the moment, it was still fresh on my mind.

I grabbed my car keys and sunglasses.

Riley must've heard my keys jingle because within ten seconds I felt her pulling on my shirt, asking if she could go with me.

I wanted to say no but I didn't want her to stick around here and be bored since Roland was locked in his room reading.

I picked her up with a smile on my face and walked out the door, not telling anyone anything.

The road was calling me and I had to answer.

I buckled Riley in her seat, I bought one for my car because she usually goes everywhere with me.

After starting the car, I turned the radio on, put my shades on and drove off, heading toward the "Leaving Storybrooke" sign.

I saw Riley looking around smiling in my rear view mirror, my little munchkin.

Once we got out of Storybrooke and onto the highway, I sighed of relief.

It was just Riley, the road and me.

I thought about heading to New York to drop in on Rapunzel but it would be a long drive there and back, instead I decided to head to the beach.

I knew Riley would like watching the water and it would give me some time to soothe my mind.

An hour passed and we made it to the beach, just in time because she was starting to get antsy and hungry.

I parked and bought her a hot dog from the vendor, she was content then.

I took her hand as we walked along the beach, looking for the perfect spot to sit.

She pointed to a spot she liked, causing a blanket, umbrella and two chairs to appear.

I laughed as we walked over and sat down.

I reminded her that she couldn't do that anymore since there would be a new baby.

She shrugged and decided to begin building a sandcastle.

My attitude about it was different, not because we couldn't do magic but the reasoning behind it.

I overheard that it was because they didn't want anymore rebels.

Were we contagious?

Were Rapunzel and I that impressionable upon Roland and Riley?

I always figured we inherited our behavior but what hurt the most was that I had this feeling she had lost faith in us being good kids.

Like we were just lost causes and that's why she wanted to have another child, someone she could be proud of.

No.

We are children she could be proud of.

Roland is a young Einstein if they took the time to truly see his experiments instead of misjudging his work as mess.

And making him stop was unfair, and I'm not going to let that happen, even if I have to let him use my library to practice in.

He is also one hell of an athlete, I had never seen book smarts and athlete in one person before but that was him.

He could shoot an arrow and hit the bullseye while being blindfolded and his soccer skills were out of this world.

Riley is quite the powerful little girl, her magic is ten times stronger than mine was when I first discovered I had power at 12.

And considering dad doesn't have magic, it's amazing that her magic is so strong.

And she is just as intelligent as the rest of us, her vocabulary skills at 6 is that of someone my age.

Maybe it was me, maybe I wasn't someone to be proud of.

So far, I hadn't done much except vandalize things, throw parties and get drunk.

Was I the one poisoning the minds of my younger siblings?

Maybe.

If that's the case then I shouldn't be such an influence on the new one.

I should just do the bare minimum when it comes to helping and let mom and dad do all the influencing.

Yeah, that's it!

That's what I'll do.

I wouldn't want to create another rebel.

I sighed and watched Riley create her sandcastle but when I really paid attention, I noticed she had created a work of art.

She was an artist, that explained her love of words!

I snapped a picture, figuring I'd show her teacher and see what she thought.

I thought about telling our parents but no, if they wanted to know more about their daughter, they needed to see it for themselves.

I rewarded my munchkin for her hard work with some ice cream.

The sun was beginning to set so I figured we better head home.

I waved my hand, packing up the chairs, towel and umbrella.

I heard her yawn and saw her rubbing her eyes, I picked her up in one arm and the other stuff in my other hand.

I buckled her in first, putting the stuff in my trunk.

Ten minutes down the road I heard soft snoring, only to see her sound asleep.

It caused me to smile, she was so calm when she slept.

Finally we made it home, just as it got dark.

I reached in and grabbed Riley, carrying her inside.

I saw my parents sitting on the couch but I just headed upstairs to Riley's room.

I'm sure they saw me but I wanted to put her to bed.

I laid her down, took her shoes off and placed the covers on top of her, wishing her sweet dreams as I turned the light off and closed the door behind me.

I stretched as I walked to my room, leaving my door cracked as I took my shoes off as well.

I sat on the corner of my bed, staring out of the window at the the moon and stars. I needed a wish...


	2. Within Dreams Lies the Truth

After helping my munchkin with her homework, I left her and Roland downstairs with mom as I went upstairs and closed myself in my room.

I took a seat at my desk, letting out a deep, long sigh, holding my face in my hands.

Arguing always stressed me out a little more than it should but I didn't have the energy to fight it.

Riley had another one of her scary dreams last night and came into my room at about 2am.

She refused to get back in her bed, like always, so I let her sleep in my bed, her and her two stuffed animals.

Everything was fine until she started kicking in her sleep, the child must've been having a kickboxing dream.

I only got about 4 or 5 hours of sleep so I skipped school today and got a few more hours of sleep at Ari's house.

Plus it was nice to see her now that she was back in town, I had missed my girlfriend.

Everything was fine until a friend of mine called and let me know about Riley and Roland and how they were both being sent home early because of behavior issues.

They're normally pretty good, even Riley who is normally sassy, so I knew it wasn't too bad.

After a long conversation with mom once she found out everything, all I wanted was some quiet time.

Now I'm thinking...

Since I'm Valedictorian of my class and we graduate in a month, what was I going to do with my life?

I hadn't thought about it much.

Did I want to go to college?

What do I want to be?

What am I good at?

I guess I liked being around kids.

Maybe I could be a teacher.

But if I did decide to go to school, it couldn't be here in Storybrooke, I'd have to go to a real university.

I'll fill out a few applications later tonight, with my grades, I could get into any college anywhere.

How would I be able to leave mom and dad though?

Maybe I could go to school in New York or New Jersey, just travel back and forth.

I kind of want to go to Cornell University now that I truly think about it.

Maybe major in Child Psychology and help kids who have been in similar situations.

Yes, that's it, I want to be a Children's Therapist.

I set a reminder on my phone to apply to Cornell in a few hours, I needed a nap first.

I laid my head down on my desk and before I knew it, I was asleep.

Within my dream, deep within my subconscious, I found myself in the living room.

I saw mom, dad, Riley, Roland and Rapunzel all sitting on the couch.

Mom looked 9 months pregnant then all of a sudden we were at the hospital and all I could hear was screaming then someone say "It's twins! A boy and a girl!"

Once again my dream shifted back to the house but this time the babies were there.

Everyone was cooing over them and I just stood there, for some reason I couldn't talk and I don't think they could see me anyway.

I began screaming but nothing came out.

I found myself submerging in water, sinking deeper and deeper into the cool blue water and as I sank, I started holding my breath in reality.

I woke up to my alarm, gasping for air, a tear fell from my eye.

My dream...what did it mean? Screaming yet no one could hear me...

Were those my true feelings?

That I was invisible?

Hmm...I poofed up a glass of water, too shaken up to walk downstairs and get one, scared my mom would see my face and begin worrying.

I slowly took deep breaths, trying to steady my heartbeat, I've had dreams like that before, where I would hold my breath in my sleep.

It wasn't fun and actually quite frightening.

The last one I can remember having was right before I took the SAT's and before that, it was when they told us mom was pregnant with Riley.

This had to do with being nervous.

I was nervous?

Nervous about the outcome of this situation.

I didn't want to be given up on, I wasn't a lost cause.

I want to make them proud, make my dad, Neal, proud that he sacrificed himself for his family.

Dad...not a day goes by that I don't miss him.

Emma and Killian tell me stories of him every time I go visit, maybe I should head over there and talk to them about what I've been experiencing.

She always has good advice when it comes to stuff like this.

I'll stop by there this weekend, maybe grandma and grandpa will be there too.

I just realized my family was already big and it's about to get even bigger.


	3. College?

I got accepted?

I got accepted!

I almost jumped for joy as I walked back in the house from the mailbox, every school I applied to accepted me.

It made me proud that all my hard work hadn't gone to waste.

Among the five were the two I really wanted to go to, Cornell in New York and the University of Maine.

How I was going to choose between the two of them, I wasn't sure but Cornell invited me to spend my spring break touring the campus, sitting in classes and getting a feel for the school.

I wanted to take them up on their offer and while I was there, I could stay with Rapunzel.

Question is, how would mom and dad react to the news.

I'm sure they'd be happy and proud, at least I hoped they would.

But then I remembered something, my munchkin.

Was she going to be okay while I was gone for two weeks?

She didn't enjoy when I left for the weekend when I visited Emma, she cried but eventually mom was able to calm her down.

I did have a nice time with my other mother and father, I was able to relinquish any thought of stress for a whole 72 hours.

I played football with little Aaron, he's 8 now and getting bigger by the day.

We had a picnic at the beach and I told them about everything that was going on.

She asked me if I wanted her to talk to mom but I said no, I would handle it.

Or at least try to.

A part of me wished that I didn't have to leave but as much as I love Emma, Killian and Aaron, I love my family here just as much and I knew I was needed, what I wanted had to be put aside.

But not this, I had to do this, I have to get a college education, I want to be somebody in this world.

If I left after Riley was occupied with something, that would cut down on her crying so much.

As much as I wanted to take her with me, no one would be there to watch her.

She could call me whenever she wanted though, I'd be sure to let her know.

Going to college, since I knew living on campus wasn't an option, I knew I would have to commute.

That's a 3 hour drive to Cornell and an hour drive to the University of Maine.

Wait! Why?!

They make enough money to hire a nanny, why do I have to keep sacrificing?

And with all this baby talk, no one has said where this baby is supposed to sleep.

I could feel myself becoming agitated, I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and calmed down as I paced back in forth in my room.

Everything was moving so fast, I can't even think straight.

I threw my arms down to my side and noticed blue smoke rising from the floor.

What?! Blue?

It's never been blue before, why now?

I wanted to make sure everything was okay so I locked my door and pointed to my bed in hopes that it would disappear and it did.

I snapped my fingers and it appeared again.

Hmm, was this just the way my magic was working now?

Blue smoke, it looked kinda cool.

Reminded me of how Zelena's was green because of envy so why was mine blue?

Was it blue because I was calm so much?

Nah.

Sad?

I wasn't sad but that dream where I drowned, maybe that had something to do with it.

I'd research it in my library later.

My blue magic got me thinking, it's been a long time since I've pulled a stunt.

I've been so swamped with school, working on the weekends and babysitting that I haven't gotten the chance to go out and get into devilment.

Maybe it was time to call up Andrew and have a little fun...God knows I need it.

* * *

It was 3am when I snuck inside, creeping slowly up the stairs as everyone else slept, the smell of alcohol had coated me as if I were wearing cologne.

I wasn't drunk but I was definitely buzzed.

I made it to my bed without getting caught but I was too out of it to take my shoes off, empty my pockets or change clothes.

I just cuddled with my pillow and fell asleep.

Water...water everywhere.

And there I was drowning again but this time my family was underwater too.

But they were swimming, I was the only one hanging on for dear life.

I began holding my breath again in reality.

My eyes shot open and a scream came from my mouth.

I sat up in my bed panting, trying to lower my heart rate, hoping no one else heard me.

Shit. I knew hanging with Andrew today wasn't the smartest idea but I wanted to be with people my own age.

My phone started vibrating and when I picked it up, I noticed it was 5:30.

I answered the phone and realized it was Andrew talking.

He kept going on and on about breaking something.

My brain was still fuzzy but what I would soon realize is that we broke into the high school and somehow managed to park 10 cars in the school.

Andrew kept talking about some blue smoke he saw too.

I just groggily nodded and hung the phone up once he finished, and tried to go back to sleep.

My eyes widened, we parked 10 cars inside the school and there's video cameras all over campus.

Our senior prank went a few steps too far and blue smoke?

That wasn't something I wanted to hear but I also knew Andrew's magic produced blue smoke too so it was hard to know if I had used magic or not.

This was not good.


	4. It Isn't Fair

New York, just as fun as I remembered it and quite peaceful when I don't have to be told what to do all the time.

No one to babysit, no spongebob, no baby talk, nothing but people my age as we hang out, party and have fun.

This week I got to tour the campus, sit in a few of the introductory classes and went to a few frat parties.

I could definitely see myself joining a fraternity plus trying out for the football and baseball team.

What am I saying?

I won't have the time for sports...I'll be needed...Anyway, one can dream, right?

Right.

Dreams.

Do I even have dreams anymore?

Seems like lately all that I've had is nightmares.

Maybe I needed to talk to Archie about it, have him analyze the situation.

I'd handle that once I got back.

I couldn't dwell on my problems right now, I wanted to continue having fun while I was here because I knew it would end soon.

All good things come to an end...A crock of horse shit if you ask me but whatever.

This coming week I'm supposed to get to know some more students and faculty, then have a meeting with the President of the college who I'm told, is very interested and honored to make my acquaintance.

I didn't see it as a big deal but everyone else did.

Hopefully everything will go smoothly, Rapunzel's been helping me with what I should say.

She's been a big help for me this week and she's given me the space I needed as well, allowing me to breathe.

I could walk around the city by myself, grab a slice of pizza, a bag of candy and anything else I wanted.

Something I hadn't counted on discovering was that I somehow had one of my mom's credit cards.

I was out shopping when I looked in my wallet and saw that I had it.

I must've grabbed it the night of the senior prank to buy beer since I had 't gotten my check yet and I wanted to save the money I had.

I always keep receipts when I use s credit card, it's a pet peeve of mine, so I looked for it and when I found it, I could've sworn my heart stopped for a minute.

I had racked up about $1,000 of credit card debt.

How the hell did I spend all that on beer?!

Nah, that can't be, that's impossible.

I looked at the receipt again and saw that other things were purchased, things that aided us in getting the cars inside the school.

There was no way I could get away with that scheme now.

She would know...

I wonder if I could just stay in NYC because when she finds out what I did, there might not be a Henry anymore.

Then the blue smoke.

Magic.

Was it mine?

Was it fair?

I know it's something we agreed on but if I agreed to give a bully my lunch money everyday because he said so, is it right?

Exactly.

Something I had finally gotten to use when I was older, gone in the blink of an eye.

I probably could've challenged the idea but no, I just foolishly smile and say okay.

It made me think of the conversation I had with Ursula and she shed light on the main issue, I wasn't being allowed to grow up.

I was being kept a kid.

For what?

Hell, she was carrying the actual kids she wanted, might as well let me go so I can embarrass just myself from now on.

I truly appreciated Ursula's wise words and guidance, from the few times we talked, she was always helpful.

Maybe Ari and I could get a spot up here in New York and live happily ever after.

It was just a thought but seriously, things would be a whole lot different.

Ever since I got to New York, I haven't had one nightmare and it's probably because my mind wasn't dwelling on the thought of a new baby or babies.

My mind was full of things people my age are normally thinking and I liked it.

It was going to be hard to leave but soon home would be calling and like a jackass, I'm going to answer.


	5. Plans

_**Flashback**_

* * *

"Come on dude, keep up!" Andrew yelled as I ran behind him.

It was past midnight.

We were headed toward the school to come up with a senior prank.

We had consumed a few beers so we were still functional but it was still best that we didn't drive anywhere.

Our friends Tabitha and Chris ran with us, "Don't barf Hen-Hen." Tabitha teased as she ran past me with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes, holding back the urge to sarcastically reply.

Finally we made it to the school and we sat down in the park nearby thinking.

"What if we tag the school?" Chris suggested but we said no.

They would be able to trace back whose handwriting it was and I didn't need a vandalism charge on my record because whether or not my grades were outstanding, a criminal charge would blacklist my name.

We needed something we could get away with and wouldn't break any laws, just be funny.

"Cars...We can park cars in the school!" I stood up, satisfied with my idea.

Everyone agreed and we headed to the junk yard down the street to gather up some old cars.

Andrew and I picked the cars while Tabitha and Chris went to the store to buy more drinks and stuff to help move the cars, ski masks and black clothes.

Once we picked the ten cars, Andrew snapped his fingers and they all disappeared, he had sent them to the school parking lot.

Chris and Tabitha made it back and we put on the disguises and made our way back to the parking lot, drinking some more on the way.

Once there, we all picked two cars to start with, we all wielded magic, and proceeded to make the cars small enough to fit in the door and parked them inside different classrooms.

Both Andrew and I's magic was blue and when he noticed, it astonished him.

"I don't think yours is supposed to be blue Henry, you need to talk to Emma about that since your mom banned magic. Like really soon you need to tell her." I nodded, making mental note.

The last two we parked in the principal's office and the cafeteria.

"That's for years of shit lunch and unfair detention asshole!" Chris yelled and we took off as fast as we could, ditching the clothes and burning them.

"Let's go shopping." Tabitha said, laughing as she held up the credit card I gave her and Chris.

"Dude...Isn't that mine?" I asked, I couldn't really remember and it completely slipped my mind that it belonged to my mom.

She nodded, "Oh then if it's mine, let's go." I didn't know then but I know now that it was a big mistake.

We walked into Walmart and just started grabbing random stuff, groceries, games, clothes, and I somehow managed to grab a tv.

After eating at the nearest restaurant, we grabbed our stuff and each headed home.

I had the tv, some groceries and games, I didn't buy any clothes.

I knew there was no way I could carry all this stuff so I poofed it home, into my library.

The groceries would be in the mini fridge I had down there and the tv would hook itself up while the games would fly onto my shelf.

All that stuff meant I had to take serious precaution in locking my bookshelf.

Elvish tongue, that's it.

After making it upstairs without getter caught, I stood in front of my bookshelf and spoke three Elvish words, sealing it shut.

I made a note to myself of the words I spoke since I was a bit tipsy, I wasn't sure if I would remember or forget.

I flopped on my bed, not taking anything off and went to sleep.

Only to wake up the next morning and find out about the colleges and that I had to pack up and leave right then.

I was so excited that most of what happened the night before had slipped my mind except the three words.

I put them in the note I gave Roland.

In Riley's note I told her to be a good girl and to remember that she wasn't to use any magic while I was gone, the practicing chamber was off limits as well if she somehow managed to gain access into my library.

I not only allowed her to improve her magic in it but her thinking skills, problem solving was a key element she needed to know if she wanted to defeat-

But it doesn't matter anymore because not speaking of magic meant that we didn't have enemies and villains who constantly found their way into town.

It meant denying who we truly are and sweeping our pasts under the rug.

She wouldn't need to know how to protect herself because we're apparently just regular everyday human beings who just scream and run when something is threatening us.

Hell even grandma and grandpa fought with their bare hands because they didn't possess magic but they never ran like cowards, NEVER.

Ah well, hopefully everything will work out with that whole idea, I on the other hand have plans I don't plan on stopping.


	6. Home?

Home. It was time to go back...

I tried to think of a reason to not go back but everything I came up with was selfish.

Eh.

My meeting with the President of Cornell went pretty well, he told me that I wouldn't have to pay for anything if I chose to come there.

Sounded pretty good, I could keep money in my pocket, I would need it for gas to get to school anyway.

I think this is where I want to go, I still had a month to choose.

I had some really big news for Riley and Roland though.

While in New York I talked to some of my new friends about Disney World and they told me about a summer discount they were having and since I sold my hideaway apartment, I had some money saved up.

Plus once our mom's mood swings kicked in, we could escape for two weeks, best idea ever.

So this summer I was taking them along with Ari and hopefully her little brother on a nice vacation.

They also threw a party for me the day before I was supposed to leave.

Best. Day. Ever.

Dancing, drinking, games, swimming, I can't wait to return.

But I was excited to see my munchkin and see what's she's been up to.

As well as seeing Roland and letting him in on why I wanted him to read the book, something was happening and he, Riley and I were the only ones who were going to know.

The only thing I wasn't excited about was hearing what my mom had to say about the $1000 debt and I wondered if she knew that it was me and my friends who were responsible for the car prank.

But I may have a way out of it, I'll try and see.

I woke up early this morning and hopped on the bus, Rapunzel had an emergency at the hospital, and I would be home in about 3 hours.

I wonder what I missed...


	7. I'm Home Now

Childhood, my childhood specifically.

It seems like yesterday when I would come home from school as a little boy and see my mom's bright smile as she hugged me.

I miss those days so much, I love my siblings with all my heart but it was easier before all this happened.

My life was never this difficult.

And to think everything happened because I went and found Emma, I wonder what would've happened had I not left Storybrooke in the first place.

Maybe I shouldn't have.

Maybe then I'd still be getting hugs and a smile.

It had been so long since I've had a hug before she hugged me when I left for New York.

It got me thinking...

For 12 years of my life I was my mom's only priority and still I got the minimum amount of attention.

But I was okay with it, that comes with the territory of having a mayor for a mom.

It just gave me more time to read and think.

I thought that once she got married that things would get a bit better since it was Rapunzel, Roland and I but they stayed the same.

Again, it was okay, Rapunzel would take us out the park, movies, beach, anywhere we wanted to go.

So we never really gave it a second thought.

Then Riley was born and things became a tad bit different.

I realized that after the first two years, her amount of attention she was getting would dwindle just a little but she would still get more than the rest of us.

Now she's 6, so intelligent, so creative, she's bound to realize the truth sooner or later and I'm not going to be the one to lie to her.

I can't lie...

It's immoral and as much as I want to, I just can't.

Not to someone whom I love dearly.

With twins on the way, hell is about to break loose in that house.

I have a feeling Riley isn't going to take it lightly when mom accidentally snaps at her like she did us.

We were able to just shrug it off but Riley is sensitive and it won't be easy for her or any of us to adjust right away.

Especially the late night crying, oh God help us all.

I'm buying earplugs the next time I go to the store.

You know, she says she will have time for all of us but how?

With dad working 5 days a week and by there not being just one baby but two, how's she going to even have time for herself?

I need to think about picking up an extra shift or something, anything to keep me busy.

The more I think about it, the more I question my place in this family.

Sometimes I just feel like I don't really belong and it sounds silly but it's how I feel.

I talked to Archie earlier today about it and we analyzed my nightmare I had been having.

Turns out that it's caused by me suppressing my feelings of not belonging and my fear of becoming isolated and invisible once these babies do come.

I guess that's what was going on in my sub-conscience and the only way to try and overcome it was to write about it.

This is my way of releasing everything that is bothering me so that no one will get hurt by it and maybe I can start having pleasant dreams once again.

Once I did come home and took a nap in my library with Riley and Roland, I had ventured back upstairs into the house and saw mom in the kitchen.

I spoke but she was too busy talking on the phone, she just waved and continued what sounded like an aggressive conversation.

I sighed and went back to my room.

Was it starting already?

Really?

We aren't even a complete two months into this and already stuff's going wrong.

For two weeks no one except Riley noticed that Roland was missing.

He had been down in my library reading the entire time.

I don't care how busy you are, how the hell do you not notice your child for two weeks straight?

No, that's not okay.

Here and now I'm making a promise to myself and Roland and Riley, if stuff gets worse in this household, I will pack up and leave, taking them with me.

I don't care where we go, we'll just go.

No one deserves that and I'm not about to watch them go through the same things I went through just for someone else's happiness.

Damn, that doesn't sound nice, I guess my agitation was showing just then.

But seriously, I can't stand to see that look on their faces, that's another reason why I wanted to take them to Disney World for two weeks.

It would help them to not think about it, all they would have to do is have fun.

Something that was about to become scarce very soon and be replaced with attitudes and frustration.

What is happening to us...


	8. On Our Way To Peace

Driving along on the open road, something that made me smile no matter what.

I was my on way to my other mother and father's house with Riley and Roland in the backseat.

Mom was gone for awhile and I figured we would be better off at Emma's rather than driving dad crazy.

Plus it'd be fun.

My mom always knew how to show us a good time, I've taken Roland and Riley to their house a few times before and she treats them like her own, it's pretty nice to see.

Plus Aaron and Riley are like two peas in a pod.

Roland enjoys hanging with Killian, discussing the pirate life and I love talking to my mom, she always knows the right thing to say.

The advice she gives is golden, constantly coming in handy.

I can already imagine and visualize the relaxation that was soon to happen.

Definitely something I and the munchkins deserved.

I don't know where mom went but it was weird that she left all of a sudden, hopefully nothing's wrong.

Even though she grinds my gears, I still love her, she's still my mom.

I think everything will be fine...

I also planned on tuning my magic while I was with Emma, hopefully finding out why it was blue.


	9. It's A Surprise

It's time...mom was coming home today but I decided to pack up the munchkins and head home tomorrow.

That would give us time to say goodbye and mom and dad to have some time alone.

This week was really nice.

Emma and Killian always know how to make us feel at home and Riley and Aaron had a ball playing together everyday.

They never failed to fall asleep soon after dinner, completely worn out from their day.

Killian took Roland out sailing while Emma and I tried to figure out what was up with my magic.

We went and talked to Rumple about it and he told us the only logical thing is that since I inherited my magic from my mom, the product of true love, and my dad, son of the dark one, that it's a possibility that this was just my magic reaching it's highest peak.

He assured me that nothing was wrong and that the change of color happens sometimes to people who tap into their magic later on in life like I did.

I was relieved to learn that I was fine but I think I'll keep this between Emma and I, no need to worry anyone else.

As the week progressed we enjoyed a nice picnic where we played soccer together and I joined a volleyball game that some girls were playing.

At least until Emma grabbed me by my ear and dragged me back over to where they were once she noticed the girls were in tank tops and short shorts.

My parents suggested taking a trip to the zoo, figuring Roland would want to expand his knowledge and they were right, he enjoyed all the exhibits.

Especially the Panda exhibit where a mother panda was caring for her 4 cubs, Roland had taken an interest in studying their behavior and how the mother was caring for all four of them, balancing out how she cared for them.

Then Emma thought the Art Museum would be a wonderful trip since Riley loves to draw and she was right again.

I had never seen Riley so content and at peace before, it was as if she was placing herself in every artist's shoes as she looked at the different pieces.

I noticed her keen interest in one piece of art, an architectural layout of a house.

I suggested something to her and her face lit up as she accepted the task.

I knew she would, seeing as how this would challenge her artistic abilities but I knew she could do it without a doubt in my mind.

And here we are, our last night with my parents.

I was sad to have to leave but I'd be sure and come back really soon.

As Roland was sitting on the couch reading about what to expect during the pregnancy and first couple of months after the baby was born, Riley was at the table drawing.

I put my jacket on and grabbed my keys.

I wanted to head to a few stores and I asked my mom if she wanted to tag along.

A woman's opinion would be helpful at this point.

She agreed and we went shopping for about 2-3 hours.

I charged everything to my card, racking up a pretty steep bill but it was worth it.

We got all the supplies needed and the other things would be delivered to Emma's house at a later date.

I figured this was my way of making peace with the situation and I pray this will help stop the nightmares, even though it's hard for me to feel like I belong in this family.

My feelings would have to be pushed aside for now, more important things were at hand.


	10. Something To Smile About

We were entering month three, so far no mood swings or snappiness but mom hasn't spent a lot of time at home.

She's taken Riley out a few times but I hardly see her.

Finally I was graduating from high school next week and I couldn't be happier.

My friends and I were going to a senior party tonight and I knew I probably wouldn't come home til tomorrow afternoon once I sobered up.

Oh but I'm excited to dance the night away plus Ari would be there with me.

She really has been one of the few good things in my life that can truly make me happy.

We're still working on the nursery, still keeping it a surprise.

Later on tomorrow it'll be time to move in and put together the furniture.

And I'm so glad Rapunzel has moved back home, it's a big help.

Plus I missed my sister more than anyone will ever know.

It made Riley happy because she has another girl in the house who can play with her and spend time with her.

I can honestly say I have no clue how this house will be with twins.

That's double everything.

Double the crying, double the smelly diapers, double the drool, yeah I think after helping care for my siblings, I don't want kids anytime soon.

I still plan on taking my munchkins on vacation two weeks from now.

I figure once we reveal the nursery, that's when I'll tell them I'm taking the kids to Disney World.

Fun, fun, fun. I already booked the flight and hotel, I even got Rapunzel one in case she wanted to tag along.

If not, I can get a refund later.

It's time to smile for the first time in forever.


	11. We Hope You Like It

Today was the day, it was time to move in the furniture and set up everything.

I spared no expense for them, I bought the safest, baby friendly stuff I could find.

Last night I went to Emma's to pick up everything then drove back home, quietly packing everything upstairs and into the nursery.

Two cribs, a changing table, a chair for mom to sit in and other decorations.

All the clothes and toys were in my room, I'd get those a little later.

After having breakfast with mom I grabbed Riley and Roland and we started working like we normally do.

I sat on the floor putting together the cribs while Roland put together the changing table and Riley started putting the clothes away in the closet.

While we worked, Roland shared more information with us that he had learned from his baby books.

Everything was fitting together nicely and all month we had been good.

Probably because our time had been taken up by this and school.

School...graduation...God I almost forgot.

I hadn't even mentioned graduation to anyone.

It's not that I don't want them there, it just slipped my mind.

Plus I figure it isn't a big deal anyway, I hardly want to go myself.

I was finishing up one crib when I heard the house phone ring but just as I was about to run downstairs and answer it I heard mom's voice say "Hello?"

I stood at the top of the stairs listening and saw her in the kitchen on the phone.

"Oh hello Principal Lewis" was all I heard before heading back into the nursery.

Welp, if she hadn't known about it before, she probably knew now.

I sighed and went back to work.

We needed to finish quickly because soon she'd come upstairs and wonder where we are and what we're doing.

Roland and Riley were finished so they helped put together the last crib and we finished in 15 minutes, just in time because just as we were putting the finishing touches on the windows and arranging the toys, I heard her call my name.

This was it, all our hard work, all that money, now we were about to find out if it was worth it.


	12. She's Gone?

Yesterday was a day I'll never forget.

How can I forget?

I had just lost my best friend, my ride or die, my rebel for life, she was gone.

How does someone deal with losing their older sister?

I think I'm still in a stage of denial because I haven't cried since mom told me.

I just walked out the house and to my old castle by the beach and this is where I've been sitting since then.

The words are still ringing in my ears, lingering in my mind.

After finally having a good moment we have to endure this heart dropping situation.

It felt like someone stabbed me in the chest and twisted the knife.

I was upstairs finally taking a nap when mom came in my room and woke me up.

Right then and there I knew something was wrong, she told me to go downstairs and wait while she got Riley and Roland.

The whole minute I sat there alone I had run every possible scenario in my head except what had actually happened.

When they came downstairs, mom sat in the love seat adjacent from the couch I was on and Riley climbed into her lap, still sleepy.

I gave her a weak smile, I was too nervous to focus.

Roland sat next to me and then with tear filled eyes she began to tell us what happened.

Rapunzel was in a car crash and she didn't make it.

She didn't make it...my sister was gone in the blink of an eye.

I just bit my bottom lip, Riley was confused at first but once it was explained more she started crying.

Roland shed some quiet tears too but I just stood up.

My mom tried to make sure I was okay since I wasn't crying but of course I wasn't okay.

Who would be after hearing something like that?

I lied and said I was okay and then walked out of the door.

Once I came across my castle at the beach, I climbed on it and sat looking out at the waves, how they flowed in harmony.

My life was not flowing peacefully right now.

So far I had been sitting out here almost 24 hours and I had no intentions of moving anytime soon.

I wanted, NEEDED to be alone.

I have to come to terms with this because I know I have to be strong for my family.

I had to be there for Riley and Roland.

I had to be there for mom.

This was too hard for me, my best friend, the only one who truly understood me!

I would never see her again!

Why?!

I yelled in pain to the sky, hoping to release the hatred of people that I had accumulated over time.

For the first twelve years of my life I was stuck in therapy, made to believe I was crazy, only to be proven right.

Then I finally get a big sister, something I had always wanted, and we had the best 7 years imaginable.

Now she was taken away from me, I was the oldest now and all the responsibility was going to fall on me.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse...


	13. I Don't Want To Talk About It

All this talk about a funeral has really tested my strength and ability to be there for my little siblings.

As the days passed, I found myself slowly shutting down.

I began talking less and spending as much time as possible away from the house.

Any excuse to leave, I wouldn't hesitate to take it.

Everything has been so difficult that I hadn't even bothered to mention my graduation was yesterday.

I went and Ari showed up with Riley as well as Emma and Killian with Aaron.

Afterwards we went to Granny's where the Charmings were waiting with a congratulatory cake.

I put on a fake smile and pretended to have a good time but inside all I wanted to do was scream.

I wanted to shout to the heavens and ask that they reverse time and bring back what once was mine.

I figured people probably saw right through my mask but I tried my best not to let my true feelings show, especially when people gave me their condolences.

God I hated that so much because just when you finally get your mind off it, someone goes and reminds you.

It pisses me off, and on top of everything I had to mentally prepare myself for college soon.

Riley, Ari and I spent the night at Emma's, I didn't want to go home yet and neither did they.

Riley was able to take her mind off everything while she and Aaron played together.

She had been refusing to sleep as well but once I found out, I started making sure she got some sleep.

Even if it wasn't a complete 8 hours, something was better than nothing.

We all crashed in the living room and once she and Ari were asleep, I snuck out of the house and climbed onto the roof to watch the sky.

I counted the stars until I lost count and I hoped and prayed my big sister was somewhere smiling down on us.

I had stayed out all night and snuck back in before the sun rose and before anyone woke up.

My life was being consumed by emptiness, I couldn't really feel anymore.

I still loved my family, nothing would change that but I still hadn't cried.

What was wrong with me?

Why no tears?

I couldn't let Riley or Roland see me breaking down because I knew they were looking to me as the example to follow.

Mom and dad were either grieving, planning the funeral, working or just gone.

Roland hadn't said a word since we found out, if I wasn't so out of it I would be more concerned but my mind is on 20 different things at all times.

I'm growing tired, not physically but mentally.

I'm getting tired of this ridiculous shit that happens to me and I'm tired of fighting.

I give up, with everything that's happened and everything that's about to happen, I just plain give up.

I refuse to argue, I refuse to ask for permission to do the things that I want to do, I refuse to stay where I'm not comfortable.

There are some decisions I have to make and the sooner I make them the better.


	14. What's Going On?

After spending the day swimming with Ari at a friend of mine's house since I was house sitting.

She was able to keep my mind off everything while I was with her.

We ended up falling asleep together on the couch while watching a movie.

I woke up first and cooked us some breakfast before taking her home.

Something about her could always make me smile, I can see myself spending my life with her and having a little mermaid family.

I laugh at the thought but I know deep down that I'd truly be happy with my life at that point.

I'm at peace when I'm with her, I love her with all my heart.

But after dropping her off, I went home to find the house completely empty.

I wonder if anyone has noticed my absence.

I sat on the couch and just listened to the silence when I saw a glimmer of light out of the corner of my eye.

I quickly stood up and turned toward it, only to see a small yellow orb floating.

I couldn't understand what it was but it reminded me of the sun.

Then it started floating toward the door and it went through it.

I followed it, curious as to what it's purpose was.

Eventually it led me to mom's mausoleum but the door was open.

The door is open?!

I ran inside and at first glance I didn't see anything or anyone.

The yellow orb was still floating by my side.

I hadn't been down here in years, not since I had tried stealing Graham's heart back.

As I pushed my grandfather's coffin aside to get downstairs, I noticed my breath was blue.

Huh?! The yellow orb followed me down the stairs.

I could feel my fingers tingle, magic was in the air.

My breath was still blue and I felt a small chill but I ignored it as I walked around.

I realized how distant everyone was being, it agitated me.

The orb started floating toward mom's vault. I shook my head, I knew I wasn't supposed to be in there.

I really shouldn't be in the mausoleum but curiosity struck me.

When the orb floated through the door, I groaned and decided to follow it.

When I stepped through I saw mom on the floor.

I quickly ran to her aid, checking her pulse to see if she was okay.

When I felt her vein bulge, I knew she was still breathing. I shook her but she wouldn't wake up.

I felt her forehead and it was hot to the touch, something was wrong and she had been avoiding telling us.

Why?

I looked around and noticed char marks on the wall.

Fire.

Fire?

No, fireball.

Magic.

The yellow orb hovered over her before sinking down into her stomach.

The baby...

But which one?

Was that it?

Did she know one of them had magic and she didn't want us to know?

I couldn't carry her all the way home so I flung my hands up and we were engulfed in a cloud of blue smoke.

Once it cleared we were in their room.

I laid her on her bed and poofed up an ice pack, wrapping it in a towel and laying it on her head.

I sighed and walked back to my room, I needed to make up a story to tell her when she asks for an explanation as to what happened.

I wasn't supposed to be using magic and I didn't plan on letting her know I knew one of the babies was magical.

Here I was yet again, holding stuff in but it was best that I not say anything.

Plus I think that would just spark an argument I'm sure no one wanted to have because in my current state of mind, I won't hold anything back.

I'd let my true color show...


	15. Ice Cold

I checked on my mom again and she was still asleep but she had turned to lay on her side.

I grabbed the rag and ice pack so I could change it.

She had cooled down a little but she was still warm.

The ice pack had melted but when I grabbed it, within 5 seconds it was frozen again.

How was that possible?

I placed the ice pack back on her and made my way to the bathroom.

When I looked in the mirror, nothing could prepare me for what I saw.

My eyes...they were glowing blue.

Blue.

Freezing stuff.

Ice?

I ran my hands through my hair and when I flung them down as I huffed, frost flew from my hands.

It was ice...I don't know how this was even possible but I need answers.

I was still going to keep this a secret though.

My breath wasn't blue anymore but it was cold.

I ran downstairs, grabbed my jacket and ran to Gold's.

My magical grandfather always has answers so maybe he'll know this one.

I burst in the door and he looked at me as if I was crazy.

Once he saw the blue eyes, he grabbed a book that was on a shelf behind me and told me that instead of him trying to explain it, I would do better reading it on my own.

He also told me to start using my wand whenever I practice magic but I reminded him that I wasn't supposed to be using magic anymore.

He said that with this new power, I have to channel it or else things could go wrong.

I guess that means I would have to start using the chamber I had built in my library.

Something else that has been put on my plate that I'm not emotionally stable enough to handle.

I thanked him for the advice and the book and headed to my old castle.

I could read there without being bothered.

I walked as fast as possible, hoping to steer clear of people giving their condolences.

Luckily I was able to do just that, I made it there and was able to read the whole book just as the sun was beginning to set.

My ice powers, my cold breath, was the direct result of my feelings.

I had been so sad lately and shutting people out, giving them the cold shoulder, my heart had grown cold.

But also this was something Emma had done while she was pregnant.

By her shutting out people as well.

She began the ice process but I completed it.

And even when I do return to my regular self, these ice powers will still remain and be passed down to my children, if I have any.

It also showed me how to properly use my powers, this was going to take some getting used to.

Ugh but I promised to leave magic alone.

As I watch the sunset I realize I'm conflicted between being a good son and trying to contain my magic, not wanting to hurt myself.

Why was this all happening right now?


	16. Is It My Fault?

I don't know what the hell has been going on in this house, I really don't.

My mom passing out in her vault, Roland not talking and hardly ever leaving his room, and I hadn't seen Riley in two days.

Hold on.

My munchkin never went a day without making her presence known, something's not right.

When I came home today from sleeping over at a friend's, I went up to check on mom but she wasn't in her room.

I check in on Roland who was laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"She's gone." He said plainly.

I furrowed my brow, "Who mom?"

He sat up and looked at me, "No Riley."

My eyes widened, "What do you mean she's gone?"

He got up out of bed and walked to my room, of course I followed.

He pointed to this rolled up paper with a ribbon tied around it that was laying on my bed.

That ribbon...I had seen it before.

Emma's!

I quickly untied the string and unrolled the paper, nothing could prepare me for what I saw.

A family portrait, a beautiful one.

And it had Rapunzel in it.

I sat down on my bed, too awe stricken.

Then I noticed the name signed at the bottom; Riley Mills.

"How long has she been gone?" I calmly ask Roland who shrugs.

"My guess? Two or three days."

I sigh deeply, how could I have not noticed?!

Was I really gone THAT much?

I was too wrapped up in my grief that my munchkin must've felt alone.

"Stay here. I'm going to go get Riley before mom and dad find out." I bolted out of the door and downstairs, hopping into my car and driving to Emma's.

As I was driving, I could feel myself grow a little angry and frost began to cover the steering wheel.

I shook my head, trying to snap myself out it and calm down, now was not the time for this.

I had to make things right.


	17. I'm Done

Why me? Why was I brought into this world?

I need to know my purpose because right now, I don't see a point in all the shit I'm being put through.

After going to get Riley back from Emma's I was too agitated to talk to her on the way home but deep down, I understood why she left.

Four other people in this house and not one of them was around long enough so that she could have a conversation with them.

Roland had finally said a few words but he still acted as though he were depressed so I made an appointment with Dr. Hopper and tomorrow I will be taking him.

Even if I have to drag him kicking and screaming.

But back to Riley, I let her know what she did was wrong, whether she felt alone or not.

She definitely has an attitude on her because she got mad and used fireballs in front of mom.

Then I had to reveal my ice powers I was trying to keep a secret, just to put her little flames out.

Sometimes I feel like a parent and most of the time I don't.

But what matters most is that I don't feel 19.

I had gotten to the root of Riley's issue, she was upset that I was hardly ever at home anymore and while that's true, I just don't want to be in that house.

Five months pregnant and her mood swings were kicking in already.

Mom and I had a semi-long conversation and it occurred to me as I stood there, I still don't feel as if I belong.

And with these new powers, it just makes things all the more confusing and complicated.

All mom wanted me to do was get it under control.

I don't know how! And without getting it under control, I can't go to school.

For the past few weeks I had been getting paperwork together and things because I decided to postpone my education.

I already know I won't have the patience to juggle school, a job, and babysitting.

It's just not going to work and I can't put all that extra stress on myself.

I've made the decision not to tell anyone though, I'll allow them to think I'm going to school.

It really does hurt to put what I want on hold but whatever.

I called the President of the college a few minutes ago and he let me know that whenever I was ready to start school, there was always a spot open for me at Cornell.

I actually shed a few tears.

I'm tired.

So tired.

Of everything really.

And as agitated as I feel with everyone, I don't want to go to Emma's to escape.

I actually hadn't been there in weeks.

I've just been crashing on my best friend Andrew's couch.

He's 20 and has his own spot, something I admired.

He works at night and I work during the day at the fish warehouse but thankfully we don't have to deal with the fish.

We deal with paperwork and the business part of it.

It's a nice paycheck every month and that's why I can't give this job up, I like to have my own money.

I don't want to ask for anything because I refuse to have it thrown back in my face.

People think just because I'm the Mayor's son that I get these special privileges.

I don't know where they got that crock of horse shit from but I laugh every time someone says that lie.

If anything, I get certain restrictions.

I never get to step one foot out of line or I have to hear, "Don't make me call your mother."

Do you know how aggravating that is?

All throughout elementary, middle and high school I had to hear that.

I was looking forward to not hearing it in college.

To be somewhere new where no one knew me or where I came from.

I wouldn't have to talk about my family if I didn't want to.

I just wanted some normality in all this chaos.

Is that too much to ask?


	18. Happiness?

Being gone for so long actually allowed me time to get all my feelings out.

I cried, I smiled, I laughed and I was happy once again.

The reason behind it, my girlfriend whom I'm proud to say I love.

Our one year anniversary was coming up and since the Disney World trip was cancelled, I figured I'd take her somewhere romantic.

Where? I hadn't decided yet but I'd figure something out soon.

As of now, I can finally return home.

I missed seeing my munchkin everyday and I know she's probably mad at me but I'd make it up to her and Roland, especially after dragging him to therapy but it caused him to have a breakthrough.

So the good news for them was that we would do anything they wanted for two days, each one got a day.

I'm going to need some strength for this but anything to make them smile.

I also had some good news for mom.

I had come to terms with the babies.

I accepted the fact that no matter what happens, things are going to be just as they are.

I plan to let her know that I wasn't going to school yet.

I wasn't sad about it anymore.

And since I wasn't going, I had been offered a promotion which meant a few days out of the week I would have to travel.

I hadn't accepted it yet but I definitely was considering it since it was a lot more money a month.

I'm becoming a man, it's time to lay out a foundation for a family, something I want soon.


	19. Improving Myself

I had begun to lose track of the days, if I wasn't at work, spending time with Riley and Roland at home or planning my surprise for Ari, I was at Gold's Shop spending time with my grandfather despite the fact that I was asked not to.

It's not that I'm trying to be rebellious it's just that he's all I have left of my father.

When I'm with him, I can feel Neal's presence and that gives me a warm, loving sensation.

Don't get me wrong, Killian and Robin are both lovely father figures but both came into my life just as I became a teen so there wasn't much raising and influencing left to do.

The only male figure I had as a child was Graham and when he died, I lost all hope of having a father until Neal came into my life.

He immediately stepped up and became a father, I knew at that moment my family was finally complete until he was ripped away from me, just like Graham.

And as I watched them lower my father into the ground, I vowed to never get that close to someone again, I don't want to experience hurt like that ever again.

So I respect Killian and Robin and call them dad but I know who my father is.

All that matters is that they be the best fathers to my siblings, that's the only thing I care about.

My happiness isn't important because I honestly haven't been truly happy in a long time.

Sure I laugh, share loving moments, and I may say I'm happy but deep down, I know I'm not.

There isn't a void, I guess I'm just always on my toes, expecting something to be ripped from me again.

I know that's no way to live but it's just how things have been.

I've lived through being kidnapped, losing my memory, dying, nightmares from a sleeping curse, and being threatened by three family members.

How do you expect me to feel after all that?

Yeah...

But grandpa Rumple has been helping me learn to control these ice powers and so far so good.

I'm able to get emotional without having an outburst of magic.

I've even begun trying to freeze things by just looking at them but I haven't mastered that just yet.

It's nice learning from him, he's firm but patient with me, magic may run in the family but he understands the fear that comes with a new power.

We also talk about what's going on at home, how I should handle certain situations and that when I get upset, to just leave the situation and get some fresh air.

I never knew my grandfather was this wise, it's refreshing to have a grandparent who's much older and experienced with magic.

The Charmings are much more hands on, I go to them to practice sword fighting and archery.

My family is just chock full of people to learn different skills from.

Even talking to Riley you might learn something new.

Her and Roland are two of the smartest kids I have ever met.

Roland can read something and he will never forget it.

Riley is the same way, she can teach herself how to do just about anything.

I'm intelligent, but they are far beyond my level of intelligence.

My munchkin and her art, I have her draw me something at least once a day to keep her practicing.

I hang everything in my room, I'm actually starting to run out of space.

I think I'll buy her a few portfolio books so she can draw in them instead.

That'll make her happy and keep my room from looking like a shrine.

I bought Roland a chemistry set so he can practice in his room but the experiments aren't harmful.

So the parental units don't have to worry about the house burning down.

I guess all in all, everything is going fairly well for now.

I won't count my chickens just yet, there might be a wolf lurking around.

I had to reschedule Riley and Roland's little weekend adventure due to some unexpected financial issues but next weekend for sure I would take them where they wanted to go.

In the meantime I plan on finding the asshole that tapped into my bank account and stole my damn money.

The bank promised to reimburse me within five business days and that's fine, jolly good but this is a matter of respect.

Whomever thought they were slick enough to get away with this is dead wrong and I plan on kicking their ass.

It's been awhile since I've had to fight...


End file.
